My blog is my story

I have loved this story.  Its been so many places with me. We've been all around the world and we've ran races.  We've been through heartbreak and happiness, so much even that I thought we might bust at the seems.  We've told lots of stories.  Some stories I wrote and never finished, some I wrote over and over again.

At times my blog has been my outlet and a stress reliever.  Other times it was way for my family and friends who are far away to actually see how life it. Regardless, a more trusty blog I couldn't have asked for.

When I set up the blog I thought this day might come, some day.  An end to amberdegeorge, to the 3 years and 156 posts.  And end to the me, a beginning to the we.  Well here it is - with a heavy heart we must say goodbye to DeGeorge and hello to Walunas.

Pack your bags and follow us! Change your reader and links to http://walunas.blogspot.com/ . Now, let's be honest, nothing is really going to change as far as content- it will still be me posting {we all know how much Ben loves blogs}. We're just moving to a place for the two of us and I can't wait.

See you there!

By the way - GO NOW!  There is wedding amazingness waiting for you!

I don't know if I can do it....

Say goodbye to this blog that is....  it's harder than I thought.

So INSTEAD - in light of our upcoming, my most very favorite, thankful holiday I would like to just list a couple things I am very thankful for.

01.  Mine and Ben's jobs.  We are so lucky to be working for stable companies where we can use our brains and get paid for it.

02.  My sweet husband who reminds me a hundred times a day how much he loves me.  It's probably annoying that I always say I am so lucky, but I am.  He is a good good man.

03. Tuna fish.  I would probably die without it.  It's my main source of nutrition. I am so obsessive, give me 2 weeks and I will move on to something else.

04. Family.  How boring would we be without our families?  I don't even want to find out.  I love family and the little adventures that come along with each.

05. Friends.  It's amazing how you can meet people who it seems you were "meant" to be friends with.  I have so many of those amazing friends that I don't think I could live without.

06.  Anthropologie.  I know, it is silly, but you knew I would go there... I love Anthro.  I can't explain it.  I walk in that store and a little bit of my soul is healed.  It's weird, but I can't get enough.  I wish I owned that little piece of that special heaven.

07.  Jesus Christ.  What if you were in his position, could you have been the Savior of the world?  Could you give it all up so your brothers and sisters could live?  I hope I could,  I am glad he did.

08.  My mother.  I have to give her her own.  She knows me so well it's almost strange.  She never gets worked up, she works so hard, she lives for others, and when I think I am acting completely in left field she reminds me that my little girl personality was the same as my grown up personality - so at least I am consistent.  It's nice to have a sweet mother with that history. :-)

I am thankful for so many wonderful people, blessings and things in my life.  I love this time of year.  As we move into this happy holiday season I pray we keep a thankful attitude and remember what it is that we really celebrate.

Looking Forward

Our wedding pictures are getting ready to knock your socks off...  

 

...but we are looking forward to the future and you won't find them here!

Soon, we will say goodbye to the Amber blog and hello to the Walunas blog.  So this is a heads up to prepare yourself for some good pictures and a new place to visit.  Don't lose us, details to come! 

3 weeks!

I was never really sure I was the marrying kind.  Honestly.  I am not just saying that.  When I was young, 18-19ish - I thought I should be married and I tried like hell to make that happen.  Thankfully, it didn't.  One day something inside the 20-year-old me said, "Make something of yourself - then worry about marriage."  So I did.  I graduated from college, I got a great job, I made a reputation of hard work, I developed hobbies that were my own. I read, I thought, I wrote.  I tried to understand myself, learn who I really was.  I accepted myself and under no circumstances was I going to lose that.

As Ben and I moved through dating the thought of marriage came around.  I was hesitant, I had worked all this time on making it on my own.  I was good at it.  I couldn't always see past that.  When Ben and I actually started talking about marriage, I knew I loved him, I knew he was a great man, I knew his list of qualities were exactly what I needed in my life.  I knew he was the right decision for me and I knew the Lord agreed. That part was easy, but I wondered how I would settle in my new role as wife.  I wondered how I could successfully transition from me to we.  I wondered how these two completely opposite independent people would merge lives and habits, opinions and goals while still being true to the people they had become.

Well I am happy to report that we did it.  We got married! As I sit here in my wedded bliss, of exactly 3 weeks, I can honestly say a better life decision has never been made.  Don't get me wrong, I am not delusional... I know we have work ahead.  I know things will change as we move from 3 weeks to 30 years.  I am sure this life will bring us times that we thought were almost unbearable.  It did as singles, but now we are a couple - now we just have one extra person who has our back.  I love that.

To commemorate our fun 3 weeks together, let's list my 3 favorite things about being married, thus far...
03.  When I walk into our bedroom (or bathroom) the smell of Ben's body wash fills my nose.  I love it.  It smells so yummy I want to bottle it up. Oh wait... it already is.
02.  The kiss I get as he leaves the house at 6am.  He is always so sweet, who is nice when they have to leave for work at 6am?
01. Slumber parties!!  You know, the kind you had with your friends when you were really young?  Talking in bed until one of you fall asleep (Ben), late night TV watching and laughing your head off at nothing at all.  

Yeah, this is fun.

So far removed

That's me.  Removed.  Seriously as I sit here now the last 5 months feel like a blur.  I had the best of intentions to document and blog the stories of being engaged. But then the dates, deadlines and details came crashing down and something had to give - and that, my friends, was the blog.  I needed an outlet, but my creative side was used for all things wedding and every time I would sit down to write, I could hardly finish a sentence.  It is a good blur though, you know the kind that makes you want to wrap up in a blanket, close your eyes and sit for hours as you try to remember every detail.  Wellllll.... almost every detail... I may want to forget about the time I yelled at the invitation printer for cutting our inserts too small after I had been in there 3 different times with very VERY specific measurements, and I may suppress the entire week where every single day I would spontaneously burst into tears because I had no idea how working full time, planning a wedding, packing and moving was actually going to ever happen.  And I choose to forget the complete exhaustion I felt the entire week before we got married.  It felt like the life had been drained out of me, I could barely finish a sentence before I moved to my next thought. That was exhausting for every one around me.  Sorry.  It's actually amazing to think about it now.  The perfectionist - I'll do it myself - self, needed help and everyone close to me knew it.  Thank you four MILLION times over for every single little detail of help.  We are so blessed and looking back on it now that's all I can really remember.  Blessed to have amazing parents who gave their crazy daughter everything she dreamed of.  Blessed with amazing family and friends who have supported us, loved us and stepped in to do anything and everything they could to help. Blessed to have found each other and blessed now to be sealed for eternity.  We made it, it's official - (I have the marriage licence with the stamp of approval) and the last three weeks have been more fun than I have ever known.  Wedding details and pictures to come (trust me I am dying to see them too!) and an amazing Hawaiian honeymoon to talk about.  For now you enjoy this picture I stole from Linny's blog - sorry Linny I really truly have NONE! and I'll enjoy this fabulous fun time with my amazing new husband (still getting used to that word).   

Moving On...

2 years and 3 months ago I packed my life and moved 800 miles. I didn’t take the time to even think through it fully, I just did it. I’m not spontaneous, I like plans. I had none. The only saving grace was I knew I could come back. I knew if my new ‘home’ didn’t feel right I could come ‘home’. I needed to do this for me. I needed to make it all alone, so I packed.

I don’t think I realized what was happening until Me, Bryce and my packed car crossed the Willamette River as we drove on I-5 through Portland. I remember looking out at the city on my right and the river below, I remember my Mom’s Garmin shouting out directions in the background and I distinctly remember thinking “No, wait. Turn around. I've changed my mind.” I didn’t say it though, I just sat there I couldn’t turn back now. We made it to my new place, an empty two bedroom apartment in the basement of a lovely house. The view from my deck was incredible, the rooms were gigantic, I wondered how I would fill all the space.

Shannon and Dan helped us move my stuff in and the first weekend felt like a vacation. Then, life started. I cried every night for a week. I wondered if this was really the best decision for me. I knew it was. I adjusted. I bought my first couches. I decorated.

I spent more time with Shannon and Dan then they probably liked, but they helped me adjust. I made friends. I lived alone for the first time. I loved it. I loved the space, the late night TV watching – the two episodes of Seinfeld before bed. I worked many late nights, early mornings and all day there. I threw parties, I started to cook. During the summer nights, Billy and I would sit on my porch and drink Coke. Shannon and Dan bought me an ice cream maker, we used it there. We played the piano there and Dan fixed my closet when it fell down from the weight of my clothes. My mom visited there. Deneal and the girls would meet there, get ready there and we’d sit for hours and talk and talk there. We had Easter dinner there. It became home. I had AC, many August afternoons were spent there. It was freezing and year round I worked wrapped in a blanket with a space heater at my feet. I got iced in and snowed in and sometimes it would rain so bad I would just stay in. I ran hills there, because that’s all that was around, I learned to love them. I decorated my first Christmas tree there and left it up for months because it was so pretty. It was my place, for two years it was my home.

Last week I packed my home. Along with getting married, Ben and I decided to move across the river to Washington, closer to his office. I am excited to marry Ben, to live in the cute house with him, I am excited for the change. But when it came time to pack my apartment, the only place I had ever lived in Oregon, I stalled. I couldn’t picture life outside of this place I didn’t know where to start packing and every time I thought of leaving my eyes would fill with tears. With Ben’s help I packed it. With Shannon, Dan, Tim, Deneal and Ben’s help we moved it. With Jody and Ben’s help we cleaned it. Last Friday I walked through it, everything was gone. It was spic and span, just how I found it. I turned it back to the owners. Before I left, I stood there all alone in the place that was once my home. A tear rolled down my cheek as I thought about the memories and the changes I had made there. It seems silly to be so attached to a place that was never really mine, but I will forever be grateful for the person I became there. I will miss my home, my late night TV bed watching, my empty fridge and taking up every closet in the house with my clothes, but it’s time to move on.

I’m glad I didn’t turn around when we originally crossed the Willamette, I am glad I stayed and made a life. Now we’re going back across the river, no Garmin needed. Plus, you’re going to love our new place. Life is changing people.

That's a Fancy Feast!

Fancy Feast Cat Food - Grilled Beef Feast in Gravy:  Meat broth, beef, liver, wheat gluten, meat by-products, corn starch-modified, artificial and natural flavors, salt, added color.... and a number of great vitamins...  Would you eat all that for

TWENTY DOLLARS?!?

I WOULD, and I DID.... Silly Ben for thinking I wouldn't take on such an easy bet!!  :-)

$20 richer and maybe, just maybe, a little healthier.  I think I should send this video in to "Man vs. Wild" as an audition tape. Come on Bear Grylls I ate cat food... bring on the raw deer meat, I can take it!!

So I've been thinking...

A couple things have really been on my mind that I need to get out in the open.

First - It was an amazing person who one day thought to him (or her) self, "Hum - I have this peanut butter, I have this chocolate, why don't I magically insert this peanut butter into a perfectly shaped mini cup.  I bet it will be a hit among the people."  And a hit it was Mr. Reese, a HIT. IT.WAS.  I have been living off of frozen (cause everything is better frozen) peanut butter cups and almond M&M's.  This is not a joke.  I am addicted and my stomach hurts. 

Second - Standing while working.  It's my new thing.  For a good three weeks or so I have had this back thing.  Hurts to sit, hurts to move, blah blah blah.  I have decided I sit too much and it's not helping.  Now I stand.  I was a little fidgety at first and found myself looking around and staring at things that needed to be dusted.  But it's getting better, my house is dust free and I am confident this will save my back.  My 50 year old self is already thanking me.

Third - Big calves and leather boots with no zipper do not go well together.  I bought a ridiculously expensive pair of boots.  My practical side got the best of me and I exchanged them for an even BETTER, less expensive pair.  But there is no zipper.  I have big calves.  It's a well known fact.  When I tried them on, I had to pull with all my might to get them on and Ben had to pry them off.  I thought my circulation might get cut off.  Don't fear though - leather stretches!  I am confident if I wear them enough they will stretch to my perfect calf size.  This means I am always wearing them.  Always.  With PJ's, with my robe while I am doing my makeup, I even took a nap in them, and right now in fact with my Nike capris. So cute.  I think it's working, I can get them off myself.

Fourth - Shared keys mean family.  I bought this for our new place.  Completely adorable, right?!

A place to put our keys.  This means we will be a little family and our keys will never be lost. Is this what they call nesting?

Oh my pictures!

I thought engagement pictures would be easy.  Cute outfits, good hair day, perfect setting - easy.  Well, maybe not.  Cute outfits, check.  Good hair day, check.  Perfect setting, check.  What I didn't think about is it is hard to get two people to smile at the camera at the same time without squinty eyes or a forced smile.  Well after two tries, and about 300 pictures we managed to get a few we liked.  Below are a few shots of us being real, those are my faves. There are plenty more.... but I can't give all the fun away!  Enjoy.

This may have been a bad idea....

...That's what my face is saying in this picture.

The Goal - to get us both in the tree for the perfect, we're getting married and look we're in a tree, engagement picture.

 Let's set the stage... Amber has a broken foot. Amber takes off her heels (that she's not supposed to be wearing) and Ben puts her in the tree. To get himself up there with her, Ben has a great idea to run and jump onto a branch and swing himself into the tree. Amber can't move - let's be honest - there is no where to go. She is starting to sweat because she is so nervous, it's 90 degrees and she is holding on for dear life. Ben get's a running start, does an amazing jump and does not swing into the tree.  Where was he going to stand anyway??? Instead he just holds himself like a swinging monkey on the tiny branch and we laugh our heads off.  Priceless.

Let's count this as an engagement picture sneak peek... amazingness to come...

Things I LOVE

....cool summer nights after a week of heat and humidity. The cooler weather is a welcomed surprise!  Who are we kidding the weather in Oregon is always a surprise.

....working from home.  There is something to be said about a commute from your bedroom to your office, working out at lunch and getting dressed in real clothes on an as-needed basis.  :-) 

.... being engaged to the most amazing man I have ever met.  Seriously being engaged rocks, you should try it.  (No sly jokes here please).  He lets me pretend to show him wedding picture ideas on my pretend ipad in hopes that he will agree that having an ipad is necessary for wedding planning.  He sits patiently at paper stores as I decide between chocolate and mocha colored paper.  He asks me what the wedding goal is for the week and completes his part by Monday night.  When I'm near tears cause the perfect plan I had drawn in my head (which I would draw on my ipad if I had one) is crumbling before me he reminds me to breathe and tells me he loves me.  L-O-V-E these crazy moments.

.... grandparents, everyone's grandparents!  These people have the most interesting and amazing stories.  They have a story for everything and it always seems they have been just about everywhere.  Someday I hope to tell these stories too.  Don't take these guys for granted they have so much to teach.

.... hummus.  Honestly I could go through an entire tub of hummus in a day.  I don't know what it is about mashed up beans that is so appealing, but YUM!  I go in phases... Hummus seems to be my fave of July, June was potato salad, May was salsa.  Yeah, I get a little obsessive...

.... writing with Sharpies.  You will never need a pen again once you have written with a fine point Sharpie.  My good friend Erica turned me on to this almost ten years ago and I never looked back.  All the colors and perfect lines... seriously... Sharpies.

We all have stories... this is mine

Here are the things that I have learned, life changes fast, timing is everything and sometimes the very best moments are the ones you didn't plan.

June 15th, I sat on a plane heading for Utah.  Home, to run a relay race. The Wasatch Back, a Ragnar Relay that I say is my favorite race, yet every year I still have to talk myself into 30 hours of exhaustion.  I sat on a plane reading a book and letting my mind wander.  I thought about the race happening in 3 days and wondered why I hadn't flown out earlier, my lungs were going to burn in the altitude.  I thought about my aching back, sitting is the worst, I prayed it would just make it through this weekend.  I thought about Ben.  I knew we were getting married, he had talked with my dad, I wondered how it would all eventually come together.

June 18th -19th, the race was a blast.  The weather was perfect, my back and hip were sustaining the pain and 21 miles seemed to fly by.  As I ran my last leg of 5 miles, more like shuffled at 4am, I was excited my portion was almost over and it was party time here on out.  The end of the race is always the most interesting.  People are sore, they are tired and crabby -  they just really need sleep.  Chris always teases that no matter what he says on the last leg I will disagree with him, because I just want my way.  It's true, and this year was no exception.

When my van of 6 had finished their last legs and passed the trusty slap bracelet on to the remaining 6 on our team, we went to shower.  We had about 5 hours until our 2nd van would finish and it would be time to cross the finish line together.  We hobbled to the high school, grateful that PE is a thing of the past, we walked into the girl's locker room.  We showered, commented on our blood shot sleepless eyes and put on our matching shirts to go meet our team in Park City.

The finish line this year was at The Canyons Ski Resort.  My mom was coming to the finish; I was excited to see her there.  We rode a gondola to the top.  Well, some of my team walked to the top - which was so athletic of them - but I literally didn't think I would make it on foot.  The finish line was a serious party.  There were runners and families and families of runners everywhere!  When I finally met up with my mom much to my surprise my dad was there as well!  I introduced them to my team and they gave us their congratulations.  As we tried to find an open spot to visit my dad decided to go look around at the merchandise for sale.  About 5 minutes later, as we were all telling my mom stories of our last 24 hours, my dad came back.  He walked toward me and said, "I found this guy walking around".  Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around.  There was Ben!  I couldn't believe it!  My words were filled with AHHHH and WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??, big smiles and lots of hugs.  We hadn't planned on him coming to the race so he told me he was there to support me and the team.  Surprise! I was so excited to see him, I bought it.  He and I walked around and sat in the sun as I rambled all about how terrible, oh I mean terribly fun :-), the race had been. 

The time finally came for our last runner to come in.  We went to the bottom of the last hill to run the last 10 meters with her so we could all cross the team together.  We ran, hobbled and made our way to the finish line, flip flops and all.  Our team name was announced as we crossed the line and I looked up to see Ben standing there.  The flow of runners is set just right to herd everyone off to the side to get their medal and out of the runner's pit.  I walked over to him and said, "What are you doing? I think this is only for the runners." He asked me to come over to him.  "But I have to get my medal?", I said.   He replied, "Just come here, Amber." He grabbed my hand the MC announcing teams handed him the microphone.   As his free hand slid into his pocket and he got down on one knee my hand immediately went to my forehead and with a huge smile on my face I thought, "it's happening".  It went just as a perfect proposal would go.  He told me he loved me,  he asked me to marry him.  I told him yes, of course.  My friends were crying, my parents were snapping pictures like crazy and the crowd was cheering.  I didn't hear or see any of it.  I just saw Ben, I could only think about one thing, for a few seconds we were the only ones there. 

When we were done hugging and celebrating together, we celebrated with our friends and family, my team and strangers - of course took more pictures. 

Amber...

I love you...

Will you... 

Marry me?

Yes! Of course!    

This is funny cause my feet NO WHERE near touch the ground.

 Team celebration photo!

As I think about it now, I maybe should have known.  My mom was acting a little funny that whole Saturday morning and her place to meet me kept changing.  When I asked Ben why my mom had a photographers camera around her neck that seemed to resemble his and he answered, "I don't know." I maybe should have thought twice, but I am glad I didn't.  I didn't know what was happening until the moment it did and that was perfect!  Soon to be Mrs...

June 26th,  I flew back to Oregon and I reached for my book.  As I opened the pages I thought of the flight to Utah, the last time I touched this book and how much things had changed.  It was now one week after the proposal and 10 days after the original flight home. My mind was now flooded with reception and flower ideas - timing, details and food.  The past few days had been filled with big smiles and long conversations.  I had told my story over and over and over again.  I loved every second of it.  I hadn't planned it like this, I didn't know I would be on this plane home wondering how to host the perfect wedding.  But, I couldn't have planned it better, these moments- my story - have been absolutely perfect.

Back on Board

Well hello!

A month has gone by... seriously I am a slacker.  I have no excuse, I was just neglecting my poor little blog.  Maybe the Oregon rain was depressing me?  Who knows.  The good news is - I am back.  Let's use this time to do a run down with the latest...

I was in Utah in May.  Remember that marathon I signed up for?  Yeah - REALLY wish I wouldn't have announced that!  In February (yep 4 months ago), while training, I strained my hip flexor.  For a couple months I thought nothing of it, the pain wasn't bad enough to completely stop running. So I just would run and ice, convinced it would work itself out.  Turns out I am not 18 anymore and my body doesn't just "work itself out".  The pain moved to my back and about 3 weeks before the marathon I was pretty sure 26 miles wasn't happening since walking across a parking lot took it all out of me.  I broke down - saw a doctor.  He pushed on my tender muscle and showed me the worst pain I have EVER felt.  If I would have been able to breathe, I might have punched him.  The injury is in my psoas muscle. The psoas is a hip flexor muscle that attaches to your lumbar spine and wraps around your pelvic bone and ends at your hip.  It's super deep and almost impossible to touch.  It's really contracted and tight.  Because it's tight it's pulling on my spine, hence the back pain. The doctor moved my back around and I walked out of his office with the most relief I had felt in my back for a long time.  2 hours later the pain was back, I guess this won't be a quick fix.  8 weeks of no aggressive activity was his recommendation for recovery.  Well I don't really have 8 weeks in my schedule.  We were 2 weeks before the marathon and 6 weeks (now less than 2) before the relay I run every year - I told him as much.  He tried to understand - he said a marathon was insane and would probably be a big let down because of the pain.  I took his advice, switched to the half marathon (so much less insane).  I suppose my 8 week recovery begins June 20th (after the relay).  So instead of my A game, I guess I am bringing my B (maybe C) game for a while.... UGH, frustrating!!

The half marathon actually went pretty well.  The pain wasn't terrible until mile 8.  I always say mile 8 is the turning point of a half because 5 more miles isn't intimidating. Plus, I knew my grandparents would be happily waiting at the finish line - seeing how excited they were made it all worth it!  

What else...

Shannon and Dan had a baby!!  CRAZY!  You can see her, Piper, for yourself here.  I can hardly believe it - It's amazing to see them move into parenthood.  They're tired and happy all signs they are doing a great job.  She is adorable, tiny, perfect and I can't help but want to squeeze her.  She looks EXACTLY like Shannon, her feet and eyes are almost spot on, it's amazing.  I know I am going to be the annoying adult in her life that always says, I knew your mom when she was your age... blah blah... but now I know why adults can't help it saying things like that!  It's amazing to see life progress.  Isn't she a doll?

Also....

Over Memorial Day Ben and I went to Bend.  Between crazy work schedules, parties, weddings, wedding showers, travelling and just craziness it was nice to have a weekend away.  We ate, went hiking, bought candy, ate candy, ate ice cream, went running and just hung out, did I mention we ate candy? -  all the ingredients for a perfect weekend away!

Now that I am back on board with blogging I promise to update with pictures and cleverness.  Deneal is getting married in a month and Piper will keep growing and do awesome baby stuff - so if nothing else I will have them to talk about!  :-) 

Stay Tuned! 

This is how we do it

By now you've probably heard of CrossFit. If you haven't, then now is the time to crawl out from under the rock where you are hiding! :-) It started as small garage type gyms and seems to have spread like wildfire. CrossFit gyms are popping up everywhere. The workouts incorporate movements that would be used in everyday life with the idea to be metabolic and strength challenging, giving you the strength and endurance to be ready for anything. Military and Police Academies have started incorporating the plans into their training and now, so have I. Deneal and I joined a gym in little Lake O back in November and we fell in love! The workouts that are crazy hard, but so fun I never want them to end. I could stay at this gym all day! (Literally, sometimes I think they wonder if I am every going to leave.) Since we've joined the fun, we have had the awesome opportunity to watch it double in space and clients. We work out with and are trained by such amazing athletes. SO. MUCH. FUN.

A few weeks ago our gym moved into a new larger space. For the open house our trainer, Cody, put together this video of it all from the beginning. I must say it is kind of inspiring, I watch these people come in every day, push themselves to their absolute limit and then ask for more. What a fun little CrossFit family.
My most very favorite thing about CrossFit is the gymnastic work and the HANDSTANDS! Which we don't have in the video, so I promise - pictures of handstands to come!

Sweetheart, I love you

Grandparents.  They love you from the day you arrive.  They shower you with more kisses and hugs than one person ever knew they needed.  They look past your faults as if they don't exist. They just love.  They love with the purest most wholesome love of anyone you can imagine.  They relish in your goodness and encourage you to be the best you can be.  They don't disipline, they don't need to.  They don't want that job, they have a better one. Their job is to love you. To cheer you on and be your champion.  They watch you grow.  They help you succeed and when you fall they make sure you pick up your pieces.  They tell you stories.  The stories your parents won't tell.  The good ones, the funny ones, the sad ones.  The stories that made them who they are - the stories that make you who you are.  They become your friends, they are your grandparents. And oh, are they grand.

I have been blessed with the most awesome grandparents a girl could ever ask for.  I have had two grandmas and one grandpa for as long as I can remember.  I have felt this real true grandparent love.  I can't imagine my life without it.

Last week, our dear sweet Grandma Peni passed away at 88.  This lady was amazing. Her life was full of color, of sparkle, of bright makeup and fun hats.  There were times when no one else understood an outfit and she would compliment it.  She got it.  She wasn't afraid to live outside the box. She wasn't afraid ask your astrological sign and then proceed to a your assess your personality based on its characteristics.  She wasn't afraid to give advice.  She wasn't afraid to share her opinion and she wasn't afraid to love.  She listened to stories, she loved them. She used to say, "Sweetheart, I was born 30 years too soon cause I would love to do the things you guys do now."  She lived a full life and she told good stories, the incriminating ones that made my dad smile a sly smile and swear it never happened. She told stories of life and love, of adventure and heartbreak. She was an example of hard work.  She reminded me why strong women are so important in this world.  Her presence demanded authority, and oh boy did she get it, everyone loved her. 

(Grandma's 85th surprise birthday party.  She talked about this party for years.  She was SO excited about the birthday hat with candles.  She loved that all her family was there to celebrate with her.)

At her service on Monday, I was reminded what an impact she made on the lives around her.  She will certainly be missed,  not only for her awesome Halloween costumes, but for the amazing person she is. Can't wait to see her again!

(Girls Family Breakfast. This was the morning after Halloween.  Grandma loved Halloween because she loved to dress up, this morning was no exception!)

Grandma Peni never let you leave without telling you she loved you.  Never. So, in the words of Grandma Peni, "Sweetheart, I love you"!

Celebrating Ash

I remember when we were little. I used to dress you like you were my very own doll.  I used to brush through your hair and you would cry.  You would cry because you said it hurt, SO BAD.  I never believed you though. I would just keep brushing telling you to be strong.  For some reason you let me.  You're hair was so long and thick.  We could literally spend hours curling it only for the curls to fall right out.  We didn't care though, I would just do it all over again until you were sick of sitting there.
I remember when you would sleep over.  You would get up earlier than any kid - ever known to man!  I would wake up and find you watching cartoons or sitting at the counter eating cereal.  You'd make fun of me for sleeping so long and I would get mad.  I wasn't a morning person - even if it was almost afternoon.
I remember not being old enough to drive and sitting in the cars pretending to go awesome places.  If it was really hot we would even get the keys!  We would dream of growing up and driving.  I swore when I turned sixteen I would drive you, Nate and all your friends around.  I would be the cool Aunt, I promised. 
I remember vacations, camping trips and weekends with the family.  I remember hiking to the top of steep mountains that our Dad's were determined to take their four-wheelers up.  We were too scared to ride with them, so we would walk up - together.  I remember board games (oh my heck you LOVED board games), campfires, and coming back from 5 hour long four-wheeler rides exhausted and covered from head to toe in mud.  Luckily, I always packed plenty of extra clothes!
I remember when you started liking boys.  You would call me and talk for hours.  I swear you were the world's fastest talker and I am pretty sure you could talk without taking a breath. You would tell me everything and ask for advice to get that boy to notice you. 
I remember when you would cry, I would hug you and promise you everything would always be all right.  And when I would cry, you did the same.
I remember when you grew taller than me - which - seemed to happen overnight.  So tall and pretty.  You loved that I was older and you were taller.  We would joke that I would always be the shortest one in the family.  That is turning out to be very true.
I remember dressing you up and taking you out with my friends.  We tried to convince people we were the same age and would laugh and laugh when they would believe us.
I remember your Senior prom.  I was so excited you asked for my help - I brought over all my makeup and hair supplies.  We spent hours brushing on the perfect eye shadow and curling and twisting your thick hair into the perfect updo.  You looked gorgeous.
I remember your high school graduation.  I was so proud, and a bit jealous, of your 4.0 high school GPA.  I was convinced that even with my 3 year head start you would graduate college first.  I knew you would go on to do great things. Great things that only really smart 4.0 people do.
I remember the first thing you did when you walked in a room.  Hug.  Everyone. Even if they weren't the hugging type.
I remember the last time we talked.  I remember our whole conversation.  I remember exactly where I was standing.  I didn't know then that would it be our last.
I remember these things not only today, because it is your birthday, but every day.
I remember you every day.

Happy Birthday Ash!

Treadmill Miles

There is something about running miles on a fast moving belt. Your feet move in perfect rhythm and in the back of your mind you know one missed step could be very painful. There is something about feeling your foot hit the belt at the exact moment the water swishes in the bottle propped securely in its proper place. The music from the iPod blaring in your ears drowns out the sound of hundreds of people rushing to get their workout in and on with their life. You're running playlist is familiar and there is nothing wrong with a little air drumming, even if you are in public. There is something about having a stranger running next to you keeping their own pace. They don't know it, but you are racing them. Your eyes move to their screen to look at their speed and wonder how they have kept the 8.5 pace for 3 miles. Attributing their speed to their long legs is usually the most comforting thought. Regardless, you increase your speed, even just a little. If they can, well, so can you. There is something about gasping for air while watching the green numbers change from from mile to mile and immediately looking at your time, burning that number in your brain. New PR – finally! There is something about knowing your run is slacking, slow and tired and just increasing the speed. You know if the belt moves faster so will your feet. Really, they have no other choice. There is something about running your treadmill out of time, 60 minutes is the max, and then starting it over again cause you're run isn't over yet. There is something about knowing you stuck it out on a treadmill for 10, 11 even 16 miles because for most people that is miserable, even punishment. But for you the treadmill is a good place, a comfortable place. You know what every button means and what every flashing number is telling you. You have a plan for catching yourself should your foot actually take that missed step, and you've done it. You create your hills, watch your time and when you fall short - you sprint. You sprint to the death to get that 7th mile in before the belt stops at 60 minutes. You sprint because it's amazing to see 10.0 on the speed and feel every muscle in your body propelling your legs forward. You sprint, you incline, you jog, you decide, this is one run where you have full control.

Some say treadmill running is a lazy man's run. Sure, say it. But treadmill running is hard, it keeps you moving and out of the pouring rain. True - nothing can compare to a run outside enjoying nature and beautiful surroundings. When it’s just you, the sun, your run and your thoughts miles are serene - enjoyable even - that is ideal. But, aside from racing, nothing is more motivating than a crazy fast moving belt, a goal in your head, a ticking clock and giving it everything you have just to try and keep up.

Loving me some John

Ok - let's start this post by saying I LOVE Jennifer Aniston. Love, love, love. Favorite actress of all time, hands down. Don't try to have the "every movie she makes does horribly" conversation with me either, cause you won't win. I won't change my mind. Love is love. I haven't seen a Brad Pitt movie since the divorce - enough said. I say this because knowing my love for Jen you may wonder, how I could also love John Mayer? Basically no one should believe Jen is sad over this break up - yeah right. Look at her, she is fine. Secondly, obviously John is confused about love - just listen to his wonderfully depressed music. She is better off.

Now that I have cleared that up, on to the point...

Back in February, my sweet Ben bought us John Mayer tickets. I was more than ecstatic and immediately the countdown to March 30th began. Every couple weeks I would remind him it was coming and he would have me double check that the tickets were still in place. I put my John playlist on repeat and spent my work hours listening to John Mayer lyrics until FINALLY the day came! Let me just say - he did not disappoint. What an amazing artist he is. It was exactly how I would picture a John Mayer concert - a guy, his guitar, his awesome voice and incredible musicians surrounding him. I could have listened to them all night. My favorite part was when he came out all alone and sang some faves, just him and his guitar - perfect.

I should also note that John thanked the audience quite a few times for purchasing tickets and supporting his music. That doesn't always happen - I was very impressed. How about little sampling for your listening pleasure.... maybe you'll understand my obsession.

Putting the pieces together

A few weekends ago I was helping a 2-year-old put together a puzzle. A picture of a big red train was the end result. It took 12 big pieces and exact placement of each to get the picture just right. I watched as he carefully studied each color and grouped similarities together. Some, he would place together quickly for a perfect fit. Others he tried to force together. No matter how many different ways he tried, they wouldn't come together quite right. As I explained how there was a better fit for each of these pieces and that although they looked similar, they must also fit together easily - I quickly made a correlation with life.

Decision and opportunities for change come in and out of our lives every day - some fit so easily you wonder how you ever lived without them. While others you work hard at, but never excel; never get the picture on the box.  Just like the 2-year-old learned, you can't force the picture if the pieces don't fit.

My mom always said good decisions should be easy.  Just like placing the next piece in your life puzzle - it should simply fit until finally you have that perfect picture, the big red train without a piece missing.

Yeah, that's how I feel

happy.

that's a typical feeling for me.

I am not a sad person.  I really try to see the glass half full.

I have been through some messy spots. I survived.

a logical, light at the end of the tunnel type.

It's engrained in me.

I get it from my mom.

she's amazing.

describe happy.

well it's an adjective.

describe the describer.

satisfied.

pleased.

glad.

content.

joyful.

sure, those sound right. 

 I feel those, but then maybe even something more.

something I can't describe.
something I don't understand.

I don't like not understanding. 
and I don't like not having words.
it's like coming in second.

it's not good enough.  I hate losing.
that's not a story for today.

I am a worrier. A virgo. I like a plan.
preferably a plan I come up with.
on my schedule. executed in my time.
I get anxious when I don't know what's coming next.

I hate thriller movies. they stress me out.

but I don't feel stressed.

peace.

that's it.

peace.

a peaceful happy.

not worrying about what's next.

moving in the right direction.

just living. 

 living and loving it.

living with a smile on my face.
 laughing for no reason.

not just any laugh though.
the deep laugh.

that real laugh that comes from your gut and makes your abs hurt.

the loud laugh that has to be real because it feels so good to get out.

almost freeing.

I love that.

you can't fake it.

those feelings have to be real. pure. true.

I can't live without that.
it's a necessary part of life.

the peaceful happy freeing real laugh.
that's how I describe it.

perfect.

yeah, I'm happy.

You might be a runner if...

...You get upset about injuries because they keep you from running, not because you have actually damaged your body.   (Funny, true and maybe kind of sad.  I don't think in terms of permanent damage. I don't like being down, I hate admitting there is pain. I might regret this in 10 years)
... It doesn't scare you to drink from a cup that some stranger hands you in the middle of the road.  (Nope, never even thought twice - thank you very much!)
... You get very excited when a Race T- shirt is not white.  (I HATE white race shirts... really, whose genius idea was white - they are see through when sweaty, dingy after one wear, and come on... EVERYTHING is jiggling here at least give me a color to camouflage a little.)
... You've ever thought "I'm gonna be sore tomorrow" with a feeling of happy anticipation. (Worse than that, if I am not sore "tomorrow" I obviously didn't work hard enough.)
... Your ipod has a "running" playlist. (A true beatin' up the beat playlist, my most favorite playlist actually. Sometimes I listen to it in my car just to get excited to run.)
... Your non-running friends consider every race you run a "marathon".  (Ha - this happens.  I am pretty sure my parents think I have run ten or twenty marathons.... this is not the case.)
... You get jealous of any runners you pass by while driving, wishing that you were running, too.  (Yep - let's just say it,  I am jealous of runners and people with great hair.)

Now, that's just crazy talk.  I don't consider myself a runner.  An athlete, sure.  A runner no... I'll leave that title to the guy wearing short shorts and singlet in the snow, doing lunges at the start line and actually hoping to win.

Still Seeing Strong

Indifferently, I walk into my eye appointment - at this point I have already mentally prepared myself for the worst.  The assistant shows me back and has me take an eye test.  It seems every time I do this those little tiny letters get harder and harder to see. I just end up guessing based on the shape.  I think that's how you know you really are getting older.  He laughs at my inability to guess the right letter.  Next, he puts numbing drops in my eyes and pokes at them with a stick.  Asks A LOT of questions, writes everything down, smiles and leaves. In walks the doctor...

Dr:  Hi Amber.  How are you?  Your chart says you have a bump on your eye?
Amber:  Hello, I am fine.  Yes, I have this bump on the white of my eye. Sometimes it's big and itchy and hits my eyelid when I blink and sometimes I hardly notice it.  I am super nervous about it and need to make sure it's nothing serious.  By the way, your assistant made my eyes numb and they feel really weird.
Dr: Ha, yes it is a weird feeling. The numbness will wear off soon. Ok, I see what you're talking about.  Let's take a closer look.
(He then proceeds to poke, flash lights and look very closely into my eye with his very large microscope.  Then rolls back in his chair and looks straight at me.)
Dr: You have pteryguim.
Amber: Oh
Dr:  Pteryguim is sun damage on your eye caused by over exposure to sun, wind, dust and dry climates.  We see this a lot in people from dry areas.
Amber:  Like Utah?
Dr:  Yep, Utah is a great example.
(Amber and the Dr talk about how she is from Utah and her bump inflammed on her last trip back for Christmas.  And that she actually has already been diagnosed with this, but freaked out and needed to be sure.  The Dr informs Amber that people from these types of climates need to use extra precautions with there eyes.)
Amber:  So what do I do?
Dr:  There isn't much you can do.  It's kind of like a freckle on your skin, it's there but it shouldn't change.
Amber:  So will this grow over my entire eye?
Dr: No.... I am confident that won't happen.
Amber: But if it does grow over my entire eye, then what will you do?
Dr: I don't think it will, but if it did I would remove it.
Amber:  Oh, so surgery can remove it if that happens.  Ok.  Well sun damage on your skin can turn into skin cancer.  Can sun damage on your eye turn into eye cancer?
Dr:  I am 95% positive this will not turn into cancer on your eye.
Amber:  But if it were to, is there anything you can do?
Dr:  Yes, there is treatment for that, but I have been doing this for 15 years and have never seen pteryguim turn into cancer.
Amber:  OK
Dr:  Keep your eyes covered in the sun.  When it's windy make sure you protect them from dust and when they get dry use eye drops and you shouldn't have any problems.
Amber:  That's it?
Dr:  Do you want steroids?
Amber:  Not really - I prefer to grow my muscles naturally.
Dr:  I mean for your eye.  You can fill the prescription it if it inflames again and it will bring down the swelling.
Amber:  Oh.  Right.  Sure.
Dr:  Ok, I don't think you need a follow up unless you have any problems.
Amber:  Alright I will be sure to come back if it grows over my eye.
Dr:  Ok! See you then.
Amber:  Uhhh... what?
Dr: Just kidding.
Amber:  That's not funny and my eyes are still numb.  Weird.

So I am as good as new... or as good as new plus a freckle.  Now, I definitely need some new sunglasses!

What goes up...

... must come down.

It may or may not be time to take my Christmas decorations down.  But it probably is.

My Christmas tree went up on November 7, 2009 - the day I got back to Oregon from a 40 day trip to Utah.  I knew I would spend the majority of the holidays back in Utah, so I thought there was plenty of reason to put the tree up pre-Thanksgiving.  But today, January 14, 2010 - 67 days later - it still stands with no good reason except that I love to look at it, it has basically become a part of me, and I am fearing the time it will take to put all the ornaments away.  But alas, all good things must come to an end and the time has come to make room for Valentines day so I will say goodbye, until next year....

I will miss you Christmas tree!