Sweetheart, I love you

Grandparents.  They love you from the day you arrive.  They shower you with more kisses and hugs than one person ever knew they needed.  They look past your faults as if they don't exist. They just love.  They love with the purest most wholesome love of anyone you can imagine.  They relish in your goodness and encourage you to be the best you can be.  They don't disipline, they don't need to.  They don't want that job, they have a better one. Their job is to love you. To cheer you on and be your champion.  They watch you grow.  They help you succeed and when you fall they make sure you pick up your pieces.  They tell you stories.  The stories your parents won't tell.  The good ones, the funny ones, the sad ones.  The stories that made them who they are - the stories that make you who you are.  They become your friends, they are your grandparents. And oh, are they grand.

I have been blessed with the most awesome grandparents a girl could ever ask for.  I have had two grandmas and one grandpa for as long as I can remember.  I have felt this real true grandparent love.  I can't imagine my life without it.

Last week, our dear sweet Grandma Peni passed away at 88.  This lady was amazing. Her life was full of color, of sparkle, of bright makeup and fun hats.  There were times when no one else understood an outfit and she would compliment it.  She got it.  She wasn't afraid to live outside the box. She wasn't afraid ask your astrological sign and then proceed to a your assess your personality based on its characteristics.  She wasn't afraid to give advice.  She wasn't afraid to share her opinion and she wasn't afraid to love.  She listened to stories, she loved them. She used to say, "Sweetheart, I was born 30 years too soon cause I would love to do the things you guys do now."  She lived a full life and she told good stories, the incriminating ones that made my dad smile a sly smile and swear it never happened. She told stories of life and love, of adventure and heartbreak. She was an example of hard work.  She reminded me why strong women are so important in this world.  Her presence demanded authority, and oh boy did she get it, everyone loved her. 

(Grandma's 85th surprise birthday party.  She talked about this party for years.  She was SO excited about the birthday hat with candles.  She loved that all her family was there to celebrate with her.)

At her service on Monday, I was reminded what an impact she made on the lives around her.  She will certainly be missed,  not only for her awesome Halloween costumes, but for the amazing person she is. Can't wait to see her again!

(Girls Family Breakfast. This was the morning after Halloween.  Grandma loved Halloween because she loved to dress up, this morning was no exception!)

Grandma Peni never let you leave without telling you she loved you.  Never. So, in the words of Grandma Peni, "Sweetheart, I love you"!

Celebrating Ash

I remember when we were little. I used to dress you like you were my very own doll.  I used to brush through your hair and you would cry.  You would cry because you said it hurt, SO BAD.  I never believed you though. I would just keep brushing telling you to be strong.  For some reason you let me.  You're hair was so long and thick.  We could literally spend hours curling it only for the curls to fall right out.  We didn't care though, I would just do it all over again until you were sick of sitting there.
I remember when you would sleep over.  You would get up earlier than any kid - ever known to man!  I would wake up and find you watching cartoons or sitting at the counter eating cereal.  You'd make fun of me for sleeping so long and I would get mad.  I wasn't a morning person - even if it was almost afternoon.
I remember not being old enough to drive and sitting in the cars pretending to go awesome places.  If it was really hot we would even get the keys!  We would dream of growing up and driving.  I swore when I turned sixteen I would drive you, Nate and all your friends around.  I would be the cool Aunt, I promised. 
I remember vacations, camping trips and weekends with the family.  I remember hiking to the top of steep mountains that our Dad's were determined to take their four-wheelers up.  We were too scared to ride with them, so we would walk up - together.  I remember board games (oh my heck you LOVED board games), campfires, and coming back from 5 hour long four-wheeler rides exhausted and covered from head to toe in mud.  Luckily, I always packed plenty of extra clothes!
I remember when you started liking boys.  You would call me and talk for hours.  I swear you were the world's fastest talker and I am pretty sure you could talk without taking a breath. You would tell me everything and ask for advice to get that boy to notice you. 
I remember when you would cry, I would hug you and promise you everything would always be all right.  And when I would cry, you did the same.
I remember when you grew taller than me - which - seemed to happen overnight.  So tall and pretty.  You loved that I was older and you were taller.  We would joke that I would always be the shortest one in the family.  That is turning out to be very true.
I remember dressing you up and taking you out with my friends.  We tried to convince people we were the same age and would laugh and laugh when they would believe us.
I remember your Senior prom.  I was so excited you asked for my help - I brought over all my makeup and hair supplies.  We spent hours brushing on the perfect eye shadow and curling and twisting your thick hair into the perfect updo.  You looked gorgeous.
I remember your high school graduation.  I was so proud, and a bit jealous, of your 4.0 high school GPA.  I was convinced that even with my 3 year head start you would graduate college first.  I knew you would go on to do great things. Great things that only really smart 4.0 people do.
I remember the first thing you did when you walked in a room.  Hug.  Everyone. Even if they weren't the hugging type.
I remember the last time we talked.  I remember our whole conversation.  I remember exactly where I was standing.  I didn't know then that would it be our last.
I remember these things not only today, because it is your birthday, but every day.
I remember you every day.

Happy Birthday Ash!

Treadmill Miles

There is something about running miles on a fast moving belt. Your feet move in perfect rhythm and in the back of your mind you know one missed step could be very painful. There is something about feeling your foot hit the belt at the exact moment the water swishes in the bottle propped securely in its proper place. The music from the iPod blaring in your ears drowns out the sound of hundreds of people rushing to get their workout in and on with their life. You're running playlist is familiar and there is nothing wrong with a little air drumming, even if you are in public. There is something about having a stranger running next to you keeping their own pace. They don't know it, but you are racing them. Your eyes move to their screen to look at their speed and wonder how they have kept the 8.5 pace for 3 miles. Attributing their speed to their long legs is usually the most comforting thought. Regardless, you increase your speed, even just a little. If they can, well, so can you. There is something about gasping for air while watching the green numbers change from from mile to mile and immediately looking at your time, burning that number in your brain. New PR – finally! There is something about knowing your run is slacking, slow and tired and just increasing the speed. You know if the belt moves faster so will your feet. Really, they have no other choice. There is something about running your treadmill out of time, 60 minutes is the max, and then starting it over again cause you're run isn't over yet. There is something about knowing you stuck it out on a treadmill for 10, 11 even 16 miles because for most people that is miserable, even punishment. But for you the treadmill is a good place, a comfortable place. You know what every button means and what every flashing number is telling you. You have a plan for catching yourself should your foot actually take that missed step, and you've done it. You create your hills, watch your time and when you fall short - you sprint. You sprint to the death to get that 7th mile in before the belt stops at 60 minutes. You sprint because it's amazing to see 10.0 on the speed and feel every muscle in your body propelling your legs forward. You sprint, you incline, you jog, you decide, this is one run where you have full control.

Some say treadmill running is a lazy man's run. Sure, say it. But treadmill running is hard, it keeps you moving and out of the pouring rain. True - nothing can compare to a run outside enjoying nature and beautiful surroundings. When it’s just you, the sun, your run and your thoughts miles are serene - enjoyable even - that is ideal. But, aside from racing, nothing is more motivating than a crazy fast moving belt, a goal in your head, a ticking clock and giving it everything you have just to try and keep up.