Sweetheart, I love you

Grandparents.  They love you from the day you arrive.  They shower you with more kisses and hugs than one person ever knew they needed.  They look past your faults as if they don't exist. They just love.  They love with the purest most wholesome love of anyone you can imagine.  They relish in your goodness and encourage you to be the best you can be.  They don't disipline, they don't need to.  They don't want that job, they have a better one. Their job is to love you. To cheer you on and be your champion.  They watch you grow.  They help you succeed and when you fall they make sure you pick up your pieces.  They tell you stories.  The stories your parents won't tell.  The good ones, the funny ones, the sad ones.  The stories that made them who they are - the stories that make you who you are.  They become your friends, they are your grandparents. And oh, are they grand.

I have been blessed with the most awesome grandparents a girl could ever ask for.  I have had two grandmas and one grandpa for as long as I can remember.  I have felt this real true grandparent love.  I can't imagine my life without it.

Last week, our dear sweet Grandma Peni passed away at 88.  This lady was amazing. Her life was full of color, of sparkle, of bright makeup and fun hats.  There were times when no one else understood an outfit and she would compliment it.  She got it.  She wasn't afraid to live outside the box. She wasn't afraid ask your astrological sign and then proceed to a your assess your personality based on its characteristics.  She wasn't afraid to give advice.  She wasn't afraid to share her opinion and she wasn't afraid to love.  She listened to stories, she loved them. She used to say, "Sweetheart, I was born 30 years too soon cause I would love to do the things you guys do now."  She lived a full life and she told good stories, the incriminating ones that made my dad smile a sly smile and swear it never happened. She told stories of life and love, of adventure and heartbreak. She was an example of hard work.  She reminded me why strong women are so important in this world.  Her presence demanded authority, and oh boy did she get it, everyone loved her. 

(Grandma's 85th surprise birthday party.  She talked about this party for years.  She was SO excited about the birthday hat with candles.  She loved that all her family was there to celebrate with her.)

At her service on Monday, I was reminded what an impact she made on the lives around her.  She will certainly be missed,  not only for her awesome Halloween costumes, but for the amazing person she is. Can't wait to see her again!

(Girls Family Breakfast. This was the morning after Halloween.  Grandma loved Halloween because she loved to dress up, this morning was no exception!)

Grandma Peni never let you leave without telling you she loved you.  Never. So, in the words of Grandma Peni, "Sweetheart, I love you"!

Celebrating Ash

I remember when we were little. I used to dress you like you were my very own doll.  I used to brush through your hair and you would cry.  You would cry because you said it hurt, SO BAD.  I never believed you though. I would just keep brushing telling you to be strong.  For some reason you let me.  You're hair was so long and thick.  We could literally spend hours curling it only for the curls to fall right out.  We didn't care though, I would just do it all over again until you were sick of sitting there.
I remember when you would sleep over.  You would get up earlier than any kid - ever known to man!  I would wake up and find you watching cartoons or sitting at the counter eating cereal.  You'd make fun of me for sleeping so long and I would get mad.  I wasn't a morning person - even if it was almost afternoon.
I remember not being old enough to drive and sitting in the cars pretending to go awesome places.  If it was really hot we would even get the keys!  We would dream of growing up and driving.  I swore when I turned sixteen I would drive you, Nate and all your friends around.  I would be the cool Aunt, I promised. 
I remember vacations, camping trips and weekends with the family.  I remember hiking to the top of steep mountains that our Dad's were determined to take their four-wheelers up.  We were too scared to ride with them, so we would walk up - together.  I remember board games (oh my heck you LOVED board games), campfires, and coming back from 5 hour long four-wheeler rides exhausted and covered from head to toe in mud.  Luckily, I always packed plenty of extra clothes!
I remember when you started liking boys.  You would call me and talk for hours.  I swear you were the world's fastest talker and I am pretty sure you could talk without taking a breath. You would tell me everything and ask for advice to get that boy to notice you. 
I remember when you would cry, I would hug you and promise you everything would always be all right.  And when I would cry, you did the same.
I remember when you grew taller than me - which - seemed to happen overnight.  So tall and pretty.  You loved that I was older and you were taller.  We would joke that I would always be the shortest one in the family.  That is turning out to be very true.
I remember dressing you up and taking you out with my friends.  We tried to convince people we were the same age and would laugh and laugh when they would believe us.
I remember your Senior prom.  I was so excited you asked for my help - I brought over all my makeup and hair supplies.  We spent hours brushing on the perfect eye shadow and curling and twisting your thick hair into the perfect updo.  You looked gorgeous.
I remember your high school graduation.  I was so proud, and a bit jealous, of your 4.0 high school GPA.  I was convinced that even with my 3 year head start you would graduate college first.  I knew you would go on to do great things. Great things that only really smart 4.0 people do.
I remember the first thing you did when you walked in a room.  Hug.  Everyone. Even if they weren't the hugging type.
I remember the last time we talked.  I remember our whole conversation.  I remember exactly where I was standing.  I didn't know then that would it be our last.
I remember these things not only today, because it is your birthday, but every day.
I remember you every day.

Happy Birthday Ash!

This Day 2 Years Ago

There are moments that you will never forget. Moments when just for a second your world stops. The surroundings and the feelings you have in that second are forever burned into your brain. We all have them. This day. 2 years ago. I will never forget.

I remember a call from my Mom, it was early Saturday morning. She was surprised I answered - for years I had been religious about my early Saturday morning workout- but this morning was different. When my alarm went off I ignored it. She sounded nervous, her voice shook, my Mom is never like this. Immediately I knew something wasn't right. She said simple phrases like, "There has been an accident", "Ashley", "You better get down here". I remember sitting on the phone in silence. I processed. I said nothing. Then asked the question I knew she didn't want to answer, "But Mom, she's going to be fine...right?" This time she sat in silence. There is not a moment in your life that prepares you to give this kind of news. She spoke, "I don't think so, Amber. Not this time."

I held the phone in one hand and with the other I ripped off the covers I had been so tightly wrapped up in 5 minutes prior. I literally jumped out of bed and ran across the room. What was I doing? I had no idea. I asked a hundred questions, she answered them the best she could. Then she said, "You better just get down here, we don't have very long." I am sure I muttered something she could barely understand about how I was on my way and how much I loved her. We hung up.

I remember turning and looking at myself in the mirror, wondering what just happened. I walked into my closet and looked around confused while images of Ashley went through my head. Then "go mode" set in. I had never dressed so quickly in my life. I threw clothes in a bag and ran out of the house. As soon as I was on the road the panic came. I needed to talk. I called a few friends - no one answered. I drove fast. Maybe I needed this second alone with my thoughts anyway.

I didn't make it, she passed away before I got there.

The next few days were a whirlwind of family and friends. There were hugs and kisses. I'm sorry's and I love you's, tears, flowers, memories, pictures, laughs, and more tears. There were too many words and then not enough. There was an insurmountable amount of support. Family and friends flew thousands of miles. People brought meals and gifts. They shared memories and words of encouragement. I was amazed by the kindness and love we felt, and still feel. Thank you for that.

The whirlwind stopped and the dust settled, but the loss didn't. My oldest brother has lost his oldest daughter, my parents a grandchild, my nieces and nephews lost their sister, my youngest brother lost his best friend and I lost a niece close enough to be my sister.

Her playfulness, happy attitude and love for my clothes will never be forgotten. Her spontaneity and ability to live in the here and now will forever be missed. Her non-judgemental outlook and love for everyone is an inspiration and her memories will be with us always. I don't think a day has passed in the last 2 years that my heart hasn't ached to see Ashley. The pain has brought our family closer. I know how badly our family needed her here, but God must have needed her even more. How exciting will be the day when we finally see her again.

This day. These memories. This amazing girl. I will never forget.

Happy Day to My Dad!

We had such a fun Father's Day filled with lots of fun and family. I failed however, to wish my dad a happy day on my blog. So... Happy Father's Day to a wonderful Father! My Dad is such a fun guy with an amazing outlook on life. I am so proud of the things he has accomplished and the things he has taught me just through his example.

Happy Fathers Day Dad!

Ode to the Mother

Thank you for

...teaching me to tie my shoes. That has proved useful throughout my life.
...being disappointed in me when I quit my high school job (to go to a basketball game with my friends). You taught me responsibility.
...having a vegetable garden every summer to make fresh salsa.
...buying me drawing books, crayons and pencils and allowing me to be creative.
...taking in my friends and giving them another place to call home.
...teaching me how to nicely load a dishwasher.
...leaving a couple days late for our annual Labor Day camping trip so I could get my drivers licence the exact day I turned 16. This was a really big deal to me.
...being proud of me. Even if it does mean having the most awful picture of me and Nate on your debit card.

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom and all my dear friends who are Mothers! You really are appreciated for all you do.

Celebrating Christ

I love the Easter season. I love the symbolism as the weather turns to Spring and the trees and flowers begin to blossom we are reminded that Jesus lives. This morning as I was reading through scriptures and past words spoken about Easter I was touched by the reality of the Resurrection and overwhelmed with gratitude for the Savior.

My oldest niece, Ashley, passed away 2 years ago in July. Yesterday would have been her 22nd birthday. All day my thoughts were about Ashley and as with many people who have someone close to them pass away, I wondered what the proper way to celebrate her was. I like to think the best way to celebrate someone is with happy memories of them and so I remembered. But as I was reading this Easter morning I came across these words that President Hinkley spoke in 1996,

"There is nothing more universal than death, and nothing brighter with hope and faith than the assurance of immortality. The abject sorrow that comes with death, the bereavement that follows the passing of a loved one are mitigated only by the certainty of the Resurrection of the Son of God that first Easter morning."

I am so grateful for Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for me, for Ashley, for everyone, so that we too will live again. There have been many, and will be plenty more, times in my life where this knowledge has been the only thing that I am sure of - even so, it's always been enough. Ashley is such an incredible addition to our family and what special time of year for her to have her birthday.

Happy Easter!

Happy Birthday Pops!

Exactly one week after my Mom's birthday falls my Dad's. As you know, I love everyone's day of birth... but this year my Dad's is extra special! Today he turns 60 AND had about 60 screws put into his left leg! Big day! It was a bummer that his surgery had to happen today, but he was in too much pain to push it out. The surgery went really well and now it's on to recovery.

I was so glad to be home for his surgery and to be sure that the birthday's are celebrated in their fullness. Here is to crossing our fingers that he is home very soon so we can get the party started!

In effort to keep his hospital pictures private I will refrain from posting pictures of the giant balloons that we brought to the hospital and instead include my most favorite picture with my parents on graduation. Just know, the Get Well/Birthday balloons were awesome.

My dad is such an amazing man... here is a top ten list of my favorite things.
10. When my dad wants to give advice it always starts with, "I know I mess around a lot, but keep in mind..."
9. As per above my Dad jokes about all matters of life. He finds the light in every situation.
8. Dad's know everything and mine is no exception. He will sit on the phone for hours with me trying to explain how something in my house is 'suppose' to work and talk me through how to fix it.
7. My Dad has always taught us to put family first. I remember being 14 on a camping trip with my family and wishing sooo badly that I was home with my friends. He said to me, "One day family will be all you have - make your family most important." I never forgot that.
6. He is such a fighter. He fought for his life in November and has been fighting to recover ever since. Not to mention that he taught me how to be a 'fighter' in junior high school when a girl was threatening to steal my boyfriend. Everyone should know how to throw a punch he says. :)
5. My Dad is lives on 4 major food groups, Coke, Chocolate, Red meat and Coffee... I love it because I can always count on mounds of chocolate when I come to visit!
4. My Dad watches over everyone. He likes to make sure that everyone has exactly what they need. He stands behind you to make sure you're safe. I love that.
3. My Dad doesn't like elaborate holiday's. Simple and meaningful is most important to him.
2. My Dad tells the best stories. He exaggerates just enough to make the story interesting, but not too much so it's unbelievable. I love it! His stories usually start, "I know I mess around a lot, but no joke..."
1. I will never forget the day my Dad sat me down and said, "Amber don't be stuck up. Don't be rude. Be kind to everyone. Your character is one of the most important things you have". Words to remember...

I love you, Happy 60th Birthday Dad!

Happy Birthday to My Lovely Mom!

Today is a holiday for my Mom, her birthday! I love birthdays, I think they should be the most celebrated birthday of the year! It's a day to take time out for yourself and celebrate your life. As a child there is always someone that you hope to grow up and be "just like". I always wanted to be just like my Mom, here is why.

She is a rock. She can, and does, hold herself together in any situation. She has been faced with incredibly challenging trials, but forges through with her head up. She can get through anything and has proved that time and time again. She is an incredible example for our family.

She is kind. My mom would give you the shirt off her back without blinking. She is constantly doing things for others, especially our family. The first thing she did when she came to Oregon was fill my refrigerator with groceries and try to teach me to cook (literally at 10pm after her plane landed). I remember noticing as a child and even more since I have become an adult almost every hour of her day is dedicated to someone other than herself.

She is beautiful. She has a great sense of style, always looks great and can be ready in about 15 mins flat. I don't know why I didn't get those genes!

She is so patient. She loves children. She loves to buy children's books and toys and she gets so excited to give them away. She can teach and calm a child better than anyone I know. I hope to someday inherit that amount of patients.

She is smart. She has an incredible work ethic that has allowed her to climb ladders that are unimaginable to some. She is very well respected and an amazing business woman, one that I could only hope to live up to.

She is all these things and so much more. She is fun and always up for an adventure. She is laid back and never quick to anger. She loves and she shares her love with those around her. She is such an example to anyone who knows her. More than a mom, she is my friend. Thanks for always being there for me!
Happy Birthday Mom!

The Troll Under The Bridge

My mom took trip to Seattle this weekend I was able to meet her up there. It was a quick trip, but lots of fun! We had the most amazing dinner on the water with such a beautiful view of the city, my mom was able to experience was it feels like to live without the sun and we found a big troll living under a bridge! Oh my heck, we searched high and low for this guy! Dan told me about it and my mom and I knew we just had to find it. I fall into the category of people who refuse to ask for directions because I believe that I have a superior set of navigation skills. Needless to say, we didn't find the troll until the second day of the trip! But we found him! The Troll under the bridge is made out of concrete and he has a (real) VW bug under his left hand. My mom loved the troll and was even more interested in the fact that there were people living behind the troll under the bridge.I wanted to sit by his nose, so I climbed up onto his hand - Oh so fun!It's always an adventure when we get together. Thanks for a fun trip Mom!

Rumbi Will Always Be My #1

I try not to choose favorites. When I list my favorite movies or books I choose a top 5 in no particular order because when my mood changes so does my #1. However, when it comes to a favorite salad -- the BBQ chicken salad from Rumbi Island Grill will always be my #1. Unfortunately, there are not any Rumbi's in Oregon and in the last few months I have been searching high and low for a yummy BBQ chicken salad. I tried everywhere and for a while I thought Claim Jumper had one that may be able to overtake the infamous Rumbi.... Oh was I wrong. Last night Bryce, Ashley and I made a quick stop at Rumbi and my salad was nothing less than AMAZING! A lot of people don't love this place and I don't understand why?! Their salad is perfect and their Rumbi fries have half regular and half sweet potato fries! It does not get better than that. MMMMM... I loved every bite! Thank you Utah for having Rumbi Island Grill!!

Also, thank you everyone for your sweet notes and calls about my dad! I appreciate all your love. He is looking and feeling better every day and will hopefully be able to come home soon.