Things I LOVE

....cool summer nights after a week of heat and humidity. The cooler weather is a welcomed surprise!  Who are we kidding the weather in Oregon is always a surprise.

....working from home.  There is something to be said about a commute from your bedroom to your office, working out at lunch and getting dressed in real clothes on an as-needed basis.  :-) 

.... being engaged to the most amazing man I have ever met.  Seriously being engaged rocks, you should try it.  (No sly jokes here please).  He lets me pretend to show him wedding picture ideas on my pretend ipad in hopes that he will agree that having an ipad is necessary for wedding planning.  He sits patiently at paper stores as I decide between chocolate and mocha colored paper.  He asks me what the wedding goal is for the week and completes his part by Monday night.  When I'm near tears cause the perfect plan I had drawn in my head (which I would draw on my ipad if I had one) is crumbling before me he reminds me to breathe and tells me he loves me.  L-O-V-E these crazy moments.

.... grandparents, everyone's grandparents!  These people have the most interesting and amazing stories.  They have a story for everything and it always seems they have been just about everywhere.  Someday I hope to tell these stories too.  Don't take these guys for granted they have so much to teach.

.... hummus.  Honestly I could go through an entire tub of hummus in a day.  I don't know what it is about mashed up beans that is so appealing, but YUM!  I go in phases... Hummus seems to be my fave of July, June was potato salad, May was salsa.  Yeah, I get a little obsessive...

.... writing with Sharpies.  You will never need a pen again once you have written with a fine point Sharpie.  My good friend Erica turned me on to this almost ten years ago and I never looked back.  All the colors and perfect lines... seriously... Sharpies.

Putting the pieces together

A few weekends ago I was helping a 2-year-old put together a puzzle. A picture of a big red train was the end result. It took 12 big pieces and exact placement of each to get the picture just right. I watched as he carefully studied each color and grouped similarities together. Some, he would place together quickly for a perfect fit. Others he tried to force together. No matter how many different ways he tried, they wouldn't come together quite right. As I explained how there was a better fit for each of these pieces and that although they looked similar, they must also fit together easily - I quickly made a correlation with life.

Decision and opportunities for change come in and out of our lives every day - some fit so easily you wonder how you ever lived without them. While others you work hard at, but never excel; never get the picture on the box.  Just like the 2-year-old learned, you can't force the picture if the pieces don't fit.

My mom always said good decisions should be easy.  Just like placing the next piece in your life puzzle - it should simply fit until finally you have that perfect picture, the big red train without a piece missing.

Yeah, that's how I feel

happy.

that's a typical feeling for me.

I am not a sad person.  I really try to see the glass half full.

I have been through some messy spots. I survived.

a logical, light at the end of the tunnel type.

It's engrained in me.

I get it from my mom.

she's amazing.

describe happy.

well it's an adjective.

describe the describer.

satisfied.

pleased.

glad.

content.

joyful.

sure, those sound right. 

 I feel those, but then maybe even something more.

something I can't describe.
something I don't understand.

I don't like not understanding. 
and I don't like not having words.
it's like coming in second.

it's not good enough.  I hate losing.
that's not a story for today.

I am a worrier. A virgo. I like a plan.
preferably a plan I come up with.
on my schedule. executed in my time.
I get anxious when I don't know what's coming next.

I hate thriller movies. they stress me out.

but I don't feel stressed.

peace.

that's it.

peace.

a peaceful happy.

not worrying about what's next.

moving in the right direction.

just living. 

 living and loving it.

living with a smile on my face.
 laughing for no reason.

not just any laugh though.
the deep laugh.

that real laugh that comes from your gut and makes your abs hurt.

the loud laugh that has to be real because it feels so good to get out.

almost freeing.

I love that.

you can't fake it.

those feelings have to be real. pure. true.

I can't live without that.
it's a necessary part of life.

the peaceful happy freeing real laugh.
that's how I describe it.

perfect.

yeah, I'm happy.

That's what I love about words

A year and a half ago I put this quote on my blog.  I found it, I loved it and I was amazed how easily I related to it.  Now, every once in a while, I will be going through files on my computer, run across it again and be awed at how true the simple words are.  That's what I love about writing - nothing in this quote is a profound discovery, yet when the words are put together they stir something inside that makes me think.

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."  Grey's Anatomy

It makes me hope that I am saying and doing the things that are true to me, because even if I fail, at least I am giving myself an opportunity to try.  And if choose I learn, a failure won't have been in vain because every experience should allow me a chance to grow.

What I really meant to say...

A conversation in my head, the perfect response that didn’t put itself together fast enough, the things I wanted to say, but for some reason just didn’t. This happens to me day after day. Sometimes because I have to be politically correct, sometimes because I don’t want to make another feel bad and sometimes because I am just plain scared if I say what I am really thinking I might get a response I am not prepared for.

To the man who asked for spare change -
When you watched me walk by you I wondered what you were doing. When you asked me for spare change and I gave you the loose dollars in my wallet and wished you well. What I really meant to say is, “Are a couple dollars enough, where are you from, where are you going – what’s your story?” But I didn’t dare, maybe I was scared of what I would hear.

To the person who works (who will remain nameless) -
When you told me you were mad at me because now you would have to work the weekend I said, “I am sorry about that, I know how you feel and it’s a crazy time of year.” What I really meant to say was,” I have worked almost every weekend for the last 4 months. I work at 1am and 3am and then again at 6am.” I don’t feel sorry for you, you have a job, suck it up.

To the really cute girl working in the Anthropologie dressing room -
When you asked me to show you the dress I tried on, you shrieked because you loved it. I know because I loved it too. When I handed you the pile of clothes that didn’t make the cut and turned to walk away with my two items you asked, “are you sure?” I replied, “I wish I could get it all.” What I really meant to say was, “I will take it all! In fact, wrap up one of my size of everything in the store. Why not, right, you only live once I may as well look cute in clothes that are way too expensive!” But, I will keep dreaming.

To the 7-11 man -
You watch me come into your store multiple times per week. I get a vanilla diet coke and you don’t even tell me the total anymore because I would have to be a complete idiot to not have it memorized. You’re very kind and always tell me thank you in your broken English. I say, "thanks and see you later". What I really mean to say is, “The visit to this 7-11 that perfectly mixes the vanilla is this diet coke is a highlight of my day. Better yet, the sunshine in an Oregon winter and a perfect treat. So, NO, thank YOU.” But I don’t, because I would sound insane.

I guess we hold back for a reason, but oh how interesting if I said what I really wanted to say...

This Letter Goes Out To...

Dear Sprinklers,

Please stop hitting my new car. I am really nervous that the spots that you create will ruin my new paint and its stressing me out.

Respectively,
I really need a garage


Dear New Car,

I love you. I love you in indescribable and pathetic ways. I am so glad I bought you. Your navigation has really come in handy and your sunroof has made driving so enjoyable. Thank you for bringing love into my life!

XO,
Obsessed with my new car


Dear Ed,

If you did, in fact, cheat on Jillian then you are an idiot.

Signed,
Keeping my eye on you


Dear Kenneth Cole Sales Guy,

Thank you for introducing me to my new pair of shoes and telling me “I just had to have them”. Thank you for shrieking in inaudible tones, that only dogs can hear, when I tried on that skirt I wish I would have bought. Thank you for saying I am tiny and bringing me a dress two sizes too small to try on even though I KNEW it wasn’t going to fit. It was a valiant effort and you made me feel good.

Sincerely,
I’ll be back for more

Dear A/C,

I never knew you were in such few houses until I moved to Oregon, but I am very glad you are a part of my life. I feel bad for my friends who can’t sleep because it’s 110 degrees. I feel bad that the city is in a state of panic because of the heat and I am sitting in my office with a blanket and a space heater. Thank you A/C for keeping me cool and sane.

Respectfully,
My toes may have frostbite


Dear Australia,

I can’t wait to meet you! I really need a vacation and I am positive you will be the perfect fit! I hope when I come home I have incorporated words such as “mate”, “bloke” and “bikkie” into my vocabulary.

Signed,
Only 2 more days!


Dear Decisions,

You are my nemesis. Why are there so many of you that are good that I have to choose between? You make it very difficult when you present me with wonderful options and say I can only have one. That’s like asking me to choose a favorite ice cream flavor or a favorite movie. I never choose favorites, but can I give you my top 5?

Sincerely,
Still trying to decide


Dear Data Phone,

I think you may have taken over my life and it’s a bit overwhelming. Email, phone, text, IM, blogging, Facebook and a google search all just one click away has made me a little too connected – yet, I have no intention of letting you go.

Signed,
Wishing your battery lasted longer


Dear Bing.com,

I love you for your commercials (hilarious really), but your search engine is sub-par in my opinion. I don’t like the look and although you tell me I am getting more information, I feel like I am getting less. Sorry, I can’t jump on this train!

Respectfully,
Sticking to Google

(This idea came from Aimee who has such a great blog!)

Just Walk Barefoot

I hate when I don't feel grounded. When things are up in the air and I am not sure what my next steps should be. It literally drives me crazy and makes even the smallest decisions hard. What should I eat? What should I wear? What should I post on my blog? All of these take hours to decide because focusing seems impossible when one big important thing is off. I don't like that feeling.

My friend Gerardo was in town a couple weekends ago. It was his first time to Oregon and our first stop on Amber's-day-long-tour-of-Portland was the Rose Gardens. For those who haven't been there, the Rose Gardens sit above downtown Portland. There are what feels like a million rows of different roses and an incredible view of the city. He and I walked around and talked while literally stopping every couple feet to "smell the roses". As we walked he said, "You know what? I need to ground myself". I immediately agreed with this thinking I too needed to make some changes in my life. He then proceeded to slip off each of his shoes and walk along the grass. Confused, I asked what in the world he was doing. He said, "I'm grounding myself. Our lives are so full of computers and cell phones that there are always currents running through our bodies. This is how you ground yourself." I looked at him as if we were insane and then he added, "Besides Amber, sometimes you just need to let go and walk barefoot."

Best advise all day! I laughed, took off my shoes, and we continued to walk. Today I look back on that and tell the nit picky perfectionist inside of me to relax, everything can't be perfect all of the time. In this moment, to ground myself, maybe I do need to let go, give up a little control, and walk barefoot.

This Day 2 Years Ago

There are moments that you will never forget. Moments when just for a second your world stops. The surroundings and the feelings you have in that second are forever burned into your brain. We all have them. This day. 2 years ago. I will never forget.

I remember a call from my Mom, it was early Saturday morning. She was surprised I answered - for years I had been religious about my early Saturday morning workout- but this morning was different. When my alarm went off I ignored it. She sounded nervous, her voice shook, my Mom is never like this. Immediately I knew something wasn't right. She said simple phrases like, "There has been an accident", "Ashley", "You better get down here". I remember sitting on the phone in silence. I processed. I said nothing. Then asked the question I knew she didn't want to answer, "But Mom, she's going to be fine...right?" This time she sat in silence. There is not a moment in your life that prepares you to give this kind of news. She spoke, "I don't think so, Amber. Not this time."

I held the phone in one hand and with the other I ripped off the covers I had been so tightly wrapped up in 5 minutes prior. I literally jumped out of bed and ran across the room. What was I doing? I had no idea. I asked a hundred questions, she answered them the best she could. Then she said, "You better just get down here, we don't have very long." I am sure I muttered something she could barely understand about how I was on my way and how much I loved her. We hung up.

I remember turning and looking at myself in the mirror, wondering what just happened. I walked into my closet and looked around confused while images of Ashley went through my head. Then "go mode" set in. I had never dressed so quickly in my life. I threw clothes in a bag and ran out of the house. As soon as I was on the road the panic came. I needed to talk. I called a few friends - no one answered. I drove fast. Maybe I needed this second alone with my thoughts anyway.

I didn't make it, she passed away before I got there.

The next few days were a whirlwind of family and friends. There were hugs and kisses. I'm sorry's and I love you's, tears, flowers, memories, pictures, laughs, and more tears. There were too many words and then not enough. There was an insurmountable amount of support. Family and friends flew thousands of miles. People brought meals and gifts. They shared memories and words of encouragement. I was amazed by the kindness and love we felt, and still feel. Thank you for that.

The whirlwind stopped and the dust settled, but the loss didn't. My oldest brother has lost his oldest daughter, my parents a grandchild, my nieces and nephews lost their sister, my youngest brother lost his best friend and I lost a niece close enough to be my sister.

Her playfulness, happy attitude and love for my clothes will never be forgotten. Her spontaneity and ability to live in the here and now will forever be missed. Her non-judgemental outlook and love for everyone is an inspiration and her memories will be with us always. I don't think a day has passed in the last 2 years that my heart hasn't ached to see Ashley. The pain has brought our family closer. I know how badly our family needed her here, but God must have needed her even more. How exciting will be the day when we finally see her again.

This day. These memories. This amazing girl. I will never forget.

A Milestone

A year ago today I packed a car and left a life that I had known for almost 25 years. A year ago today I left my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my roommates, my office, my gym, my school, my ward and my hair stylist. A year ago today I did something that I had always dreamed of doing but didn't know if I really had the courage. A year ago today I had a new home in a new state and I was all alone. I had no furniture and a lot of boxes. I knew 2 people in this new state and I was scared and disoriented. A year ago today, I moved to Oregon.

It's hard to believe that an entire year has already gone by. When I moved I didn't have any idea how long I would stay. I told myself I just had to stay 6 months and if I hated it I could move again. Well 6 months passed - twice. I didn't hate it, but it took some getting used to. Before I never had to worry about crackers getting moldy just from the moisture in the air or clothes taking 2 days to line dry in the winter. I had never seen weeks after weeks without sun or foot of snow shut down schools and send panic through the city. I had never been more disoriented driving and never had I been lost as much as I was in the first month. I never realized the beauty the rain creates or seen 4 seasons pass with green trees in each. I had never had chipmunks in my front yard or a view that seemed to go on for miles. I had never lived anywhere more beautiful.

As I think about how quickly this year has gone by I can't help but wonder what I have accomplished. "Have I let this year pass in vain without making more of myself?" I can't stand the thought of that and so I create a year of Oregon in review.

In 365 days I... bought my first set of living room furniture, was forced out of my comfort zone, saw a major league baseball game, turned 25, felt really happy in my job, discovered a real love for Trader Joe's, ran 2 half marathons, one duathalon, one 10k and one relay, gave up diet coke, was terrified for my dad's life, starting drinking diet coke again, became closer with my family, tried mountain biking, hated mountain biking, felt what it is like to live alone, got in the best shape of my life, had my mom stay with me, found a new hair stylist, love living alone, gained 10 pounds, felt real pure love, gave up carbs, found a love for skinny jeans and uggs, ate carbs again, started new friendships, tried cooking new things, decided cooking isn't for me, let Shannon feed me more than she should ever have to, forced myself to live on a budget, felt my heart break, couldn't talk about my broken heart for weeks, wanted to puke every time I thought about my broken heart, researched just about every masters degree program possible, watched the first African American President be sworn in, discovered happy hour, loved happy hour for their half priced appetizers, felt frazzled from my job, drove through the Cascades in the snow, watched my parents lose a dog, watched the economy take a nose dive, helped a friend through heart break, built a snowman, went boating on a river, tried wake boarding, felt joy, learned what a burn barrel is, felt ashamed for asking for plastic at a grocery store, bought recyclable bags, got called into the Relief Society Presidency, visited Greece, never wanted to leave Greece, wished I could start all over, felt disappointment, disappointed people close to me, laughed so hard I couldn't breathe, swore off motorcycles, cried, cried again, refused to admit that I cry, ate an entire box of cookies in a day, stopped eating sweets, realized I am just like my mom, bought 17 new pairs of shoes, recommitted myself to my budget, read 12 books, realized I can't live without sweets, met people who changed my point of view, watched someone be converted, felt overwhelmed in my job, watched a friend struggle with addiction, tried to help, changed my opinion on addiction, shared my opinion without being asked, recommitted to reading the Book of Mormon, had my little brother stay with me, struggled with the idea of having kids, decided I do want kids - someday, decided it's time to grow up, realized I am already a grown up, tried to be an example, found happiness with who I am.

I could probably go on for pages, suffice it to say that the change has been good for me. I have learned, grown and hopefully become better. Thanks Oregon.

It was then that I realized

My plane was scheduled to leave at 6:50am. I arrived at the airport at 6:15am after sleeping through my alarm and throwing on the black shirt dress and peep toe heels I had picked out the night before to wear to the office. I was in a silent panic. The check in line was long - too long- for a Thursday morning. I tried to be patient - it took a lot of concentration. The sky cap marked my bags with a bright yellow tag that said, LATE and warned me of the possibility of my bags not making it to Utah on time. I didn't care. My only concern was me making it through security and across the airport in 20 minutes in these fabulous peep toe heels. "Oh why did I choose to wear these heels today," I wondered. I knew why, cause I wanted to look nice on my visit to the office. I hadn't been there in 4 months. There was no way I was going in now though, I hadn't even had a chance to run a brush through my hair and my makeup was tucked away in my carryon somewhere. I ran to the gate - seriously could the gate have been any further away? I spotted the gate number and ran to the desk to get a boarding pass. The nice girl looked at me and said, "You're cutting it close." I smiled and she handed me a boarding pass - 6:48am - Last one on the plane.

The flight attendant greeted me and I searched for an open spot so I could just sit down and breathe. End row seat spotted, I sat down. Next to me sat an older couple. I guessed they were in their late 70's. He sat closest to me. He smiled, I smiled back, threw my laptop and purse under my seat and took a deep breath. I made it.

The flight was pleasant. The duration from Portland to Utah is perfect - enough time to take off, have a snack, and land on the ground. The flight was quiet. "Maybe early morning flights are always quiet," I thought. I really wouldn't know. The flight attendant brought us a beverage and the wife of the man sitting next to me handed him about 10 pills to take with his club soda. Oh the joys that come with age.

When we arrived to the gate in Utah everyone stood to gather their things. I stood in the isle waiting for the crowd to move to the front of the plane. This moment always makes me think of herding cattle. As I stood there I notice out of the corner of my eye 2 junior high school aged girls to the right of me. They were laughing and chatting to themselves as they waited to de-board. I turned my gaze from them back to the couple sitting next to me. My eyes locked with the sweet man next to me and it was as if we shared an unspoken thought of, "sweet young girls."

It was in that moment that I realized. I realized I had grown up. That man who stared as I watched the girls didn't see me the same way he saw those girls. He looked at me as a woman, a peer, maybe even a partner in protecting these young children from this world. "When did this happen," I thought. "When did I become the adult rather than the child?"

I thought back on my morning, frantically running through the airport dressed in business clothes and high heels with my laptop at my side. I thought of the families I had watched go through security who were so apparently leaving on vacation. When I had looked at the children earlier I had thought back to my family vacations as a child. I pictured myself when I was their age as I smiled at them. But as they smiled back, they looked at me as a woman. They didn't see me as a high school aged child who was worried about her hair not being done before stepping into the airport. They didn't see me as a college student who had specifically picked out this exact pair of shoes the night before for this moment in my life.

Because even though those stages of life are still a part of the overall person I am, I moved on. They looked at me and saw exactly what I am, a grown woman.

10 Honest Things About Me

My friend Ashley did this on her blog and I thought it was a fun way for you to learn just a little more about me!

1. I don't do well with emotions. I like to talk, understand and come up with a solution. I have my own theories about why people act how they do and love to share my ideas, but as soon as the crying starts I get a little ache in my stomach and panic onsets. I just don't know what to do.

2. I have no problem spending full price for a great article of clothing. Don't get me wrong, I love a good deal, but I have no remorse for paying too much for something I feel amazing in. Call me crazy, but the way I feel overrules the checkbook.

3. I hate hearing the following words or phrases, "No", "You won't/can't do that", "You don't understand", "That's not a good idea". Often times I think there are more constructive ways to say the above statements. Once I hear these words I shut down.

4. I read in a book just the other day that Satan would have us believe that love is a sign of weakness. It stopped me dead in my tracks and I can't stop thinking about it. I need to show more love.

5. I like to push my body. I haven't always been this way. I don't know what happened, it's like one day I realized that I was capable of more and there was no excuse for not giving my all to get to the next level. I think that's why I like to run, it's a challenge.

6. I am obessesed with hair. Hair color, hair product, hair texture, hair accessories, hair care, hair styles, hair spray. I have hair fantasies (the way my hair would be if I only had the courage). It's the first thing I notice on people. I always thought I would go to beauty school, for some reason it just hasn't been in the cards.

7. Sometimes I forget that I am 'all grown up'. I remember being 16 and dreaming of how my life would be as an adult. It happened, I grew up and somehow I just feel like a more self aware 16-year-old.

8. I know times are hard. I know the economy is bad and world is confused. We hear more bad news everyday. Our lives are quickly changing or maybe we are just becoming more aware of the evil around. Even still, I wouldn't have asked to be born in a different time. With all the craziness happening I am continually impressed with the good.

9. I relate songs to chapters in my life. Graduating college was "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. Moving to Oregon was "The Road and The Radio" by Kenny Chesney. Currently it's "Vegas" by Sara Bareilles.

10. I believe in being an active participant in your own life. I can't always control the things that this life brings, but I can control my actions and reactions. Life doesn't just happen, we choose how to live our lives. I hope I choose a good one!

I tag everyone, it's fun - do it!

This Sums It Up

I saw this quote on Amiee's super genius of a blog and thought how appropriately it sums up my life right now. For me, change usually comes a little at a time. In fact, so slowly sometimes that I hardly even notice it. But when I look back at a year ago Amber and today Amber, they are two different people sewn together by time and experience. It just keeps getting better!

Celebrating Christ

I love the Easter season. I love the symbolism as the weather turns to Spring and the trees and flowers begin to blossom we are reminded that Jesus lives. This morning as I was reading through scriptures and past words spoken about Easter I was touched by the reality of the Resurrection and overwhelmed with gratitude for the Savior.

My oldest niece, Ashley, passed away 2 years ago in July. Yesterday would have been her 22nd birthday. All day my thoughts were about Ashley and as with many people who have someone close to them pass away, I wondered what the proper way to celebrate her was. I like to think the best way to celebrate someone is with happy memories of them and so I remembered. But as I was reading this Easter morning I came across these words that President Hinkley spoke in 1996,

"There is nothing more universal than death, and nothing brighter with hope and faith than the assurance of immortality. The abject sorrow that comes with death, the bereavement that follows the passing of a loved one are mitigated only by the certainty of the Resurrection of the Son of God that first Easter morning."

I am so grateful for Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for me, for Ashley, for everyone, so that we too will live again. There have been many, and will be plenty more, times in my life where this knowledge has been the only thing that I am sure of - even so, it's always been enough. Ashley is such an incredible addition to our family and what special time of year for her to have her birthday.

Happy Easter!

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a crazy worrier. Most of the things that stew around in my head really are not things that are worth wasting time on, yet... I do it anyway. I had my iTunes on party shuffle today while I was working. Because of course work needs a little party shuffle now and then. Well, Natasha Bedingfield's song, Happy came on. I love this song. I think it's a good reminder to be happy right now, live in this moment, and don't worry about the rest. Sometimes I need to be reminded.

Here are a couple of my favorite lyrics and of course I have included the song below for your listening pleasure.

I wish that I could step away and breathe

This world’s trying to swallow me

Clear away the clouds inside my head

Someone just tell me

That it’s ok now

What are you worried about

Got my dreams, got my life, got my love

Got my friends got the sunshine above

Why am I making this hard on myself

When there’s so many beautiful reasons I have to be happy

I Love Just Because...

Don't you love it when someone does something, just because? I certainly do and Bryce is the king of just because gifts. No, this won't be gushy, but it is a little shout out to him! Yesterday a sweet lady showed up at my door with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. As she handed them to me while confirming that I was in fact Amber, I thought... birthday? No. holiday? No. anniversary? Obviously No. Just because? Yes! Bryce sent me flowers and enclosed a cute little note saying, have a good day and that he would see me soon. They are beautiful and that was so thoughtful! This isn't the first time he has 'just becaused' me, but that sweet lady probably thought I had never seen a flower before because of the huge smile on my face. I love flowers, but more than flowers it means a lot to know that someone is thinking of me. So, Bryce teaches us all a good lesson - and no, you don't have to buy flowers - but you can give someone just a little more of you, just because. Thanks Bryce!

I Remember

I remember being on a treadmill watching a big TV. I remember seeing a building on fire while a video played over and over showing a plane running into another, similar looking building. I remember not being able to hear the voices of the anchors and not being able to comprehend what was happening. I remember going home, seeing my roommates around the TV and sitting next to them to understand the horror. I remember being a freshman in college, being away from home for the first time, calling my parents longing to be comforted. We watched as people jumped from buildings while others stood on the ground covered in ash. We watched as police tried to help and firefighters went into buildings. We watched, we sat terrified, we tried to understand, I cried. I cried for the children who lost parents, wives who lost husbands and husbands who lost wives. For parents, cousins, friends and everyone being affected - for the world. I cried because I couldn't imagine being there myself, suffering as they had to. I promised to be grateful for my days - to not forget. Thank you to those who gave of themselves to help that day. Thank you to those who give their lives to protect our country and to their families who stand at their side. I remember and I won't forget.

Grey's Anatomy = Thoughts for Life

I am a big fan of Grey's Anatomy. I love the drama and I love the connection to real life (the feelings not the affairs). Yesterday as I was searching for new and inspiring quotes I came across this:

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying." - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

Now I know what you are saying, that's a serious thought for life from Grey's Anatomy. Yes, yes it is. Not to mention some brilliant writing.