3 weeks!

I was never really sure I was the marrying kind.  Honestly.  I am not just saying that.  When I was young, 18-19ish - I thought I should be married and I tried like hell to make that happen.  Thankfully, it didn't.  One day something inside the 20-year-old me said, "Make something of yourself - then worry about marriage."  So I did.  I graduated from college, I got a great job, I made a reputation of hard work, I developed hobbies that were my own. I read, I thought, I wrote.  I tried to understand myself, learn who I really was.  I accepted myself and under no circumstances was I going to lose that.

As Ben and I moved through dating the thought of marriage came around.  I was hesitant, I had worked all this time on making it on my own.  I was good at it.  I couldn't always see past that.  When Ben and I actually started talking about marriage, I knew I loved him, I knew he was a great man, I knew his list of qualities were exactly what I needed in my life.  I knew he was the right decision for me and I knew the Lord agreed. That part was easy, but I wondered how I would settle in my new role as wife.  I wondered how I could successfully transition from me to we.  I wondered how these two completely opposite independent people would merge lives and habits, opinions and goals while still being true to the people they had become.

Well I am happy to report that we did it.  We got married! As I sit here in my wedded bliss, of exactly 3 weeks, I can honestly say a better life decision has never been made.  Don't get me wrong, I am not delusional... I know we have work ahead.  I know things will change as we move from 3 weeks to 30 years.  I am sure this life will bring us times that we thought were almost unbearable.  It did as singles, but now we are a couple - now we just have one extra person who has our back.  I love that.

To commemorate our fun 3 weeks together, let's list my 3 favorite things about being married, thus far...
03.  When I walk into our bedroom (or bathroom) the smell of Ben's body wash fills my nose.  I love it.  It smells so yummy I want to bottle it up. Oh wait... it already is.
02.  The kiss I get as he leaves the house at 6am.  He is always so sweet, who is nice when they have to leave for work at 6am?
01. Slumber parties!!  You know, the kind you had with your friends when you were really young?  Talking in bed until one of you fall asleep (Ben), late night TV watching and laughing your head off at nothing at all.  

Yeah, this is fun.

So far removed

That's me.  Removed.  Seriously as I sit here now the last 5 months feel like a blur.  I had the best of intentions to document and blog the stories of being engaged. But then the dates, deadlines and details came crashing down and something had to give - and that, my friends, was the blog.  I needed an outlet, but my creative side was used for all things wedding and every time I would sit down to write, I could hardly finish a sentence.  It is a good blur though, you know the kind that makes you want to wrap up in a blanket, close your eyes and sit for hours as you try to remember every detail.  Wellllll.... almost every detail... I may want to forget about the time I yelled at the invitation printer for cutting our inserts too small after I had been in there 3 different times with very VERY specific measurements, and I may suppress the entire week where every single day I would spontaneously burst into tears because I had no idea how working full time, planning a wedding, packing and moving was actually going to ever happen.  And I choose to forget the complete exhaustion I felt the entire week before we got married.  It felt like the life had been drained out of me, I could barely finish a sentence before I moved to my next thought. That was exhausting for every one around me.  Sorry.  It's actually amazing to think about it now.  The perfectionist - I'll do it myself - self, needed help and everyone close to me knew it.  Thank you four MILLION times over for every single little detail of help.  We are so blessed and looking back on it now that's all I can really remember.  Blessed to have amazing parents who gave their crazy daughter everything she dreamed of.  Blessed with amazing family and friends who have supported us, loved us and stepped in to do anything and everything they could to help. Blessed to have found each other and blessed now to be sealed for eternity.  We made it, it's official - (I have the marriage licence with the stamp of approval) and the last three weeks have been more fun than I have ever known.  Wedding details and pictures to come (trust me I am dying to see them too!) and an amazing Hawaiian honeymoon to talk about.  For now you enjoy this picture I stole from Linny's blog - sorry Linny I really truly have NONE! and I'll enjoy this fabulous fun time with my amazing new husband (still getting used to that word).   

Moving On...

2 years and 3 months ago I packed my life and moved 800 miles. I didn’t take the time to even think through it fully, I just did it. I’m not spontaneous, I like plans. I had none. The only saving grace was I knew I could come back. I knew if my new ‘home’ didn’t feel right I could come ‘home’. I needed to do this for me. I needed to make it all alone, so I packed.

I don’t think I realized what was happening until Me, Bryce and my packed car crossed the Willamette River as we drove on I-5 through Portland. I remember looking out at the city on my right and the river below, I remember my Mom’s Garmin shouting out directions in the background and I distinctly remember thinking “No, wait. Turn around. I've changed my mind.” I didn’t say it though, I just sat there I couldn’t turn back now. We made it to my new place, an empty two bedroom apartment in the basement of a lovely house. The view from my deck was incredible, the rooms were gigantic, I wondered how I would fill all the space.

Shannon and Dan helped us move my stuff in and the first weekend felt like a vacation. Then, life started. I cried every night for a week. I wondered if this was really the best decision for me. I knew it was. I adjusted. I bought my first couches. I decorated.

I spent more time with Shannon and Dan then they probably liked, but they helped me adjust. I made friends. I lived alone for the first time. I loved it. I loved the space, the late night TV watching – the two episodes of Seinfeld before bed. I worked many late nights, early mornings and all day there. I threw parties, I started to cook. During the summer nights, Billy and I would sit on my porch and drink Coke. Shannon and Dan bought me an ice cream maker, we used it there. We played the piano there and Dan fixed my closet when it fell down from the weight of my clothes. My mom visited there. Deneal and the girls would meet there, get ready there and we’d sit for hours and talk and talk there. We had Easter dinner there. It became home. I had AC, many August afternoons were spent there. It was freezing and year round I worked wrapped in a blanket with a space heater at my feet. I got iced in and snowed in and sometimes it would rain so bad I would just stay in. I ran hills there, because that’s all that was around, I learned to love them. I decorated my first Christmas tree there and left it up for months because it was so pretty. It was my place, for two years it was my home.

Last week I packed my home. Along with getting married, Ben and I decided to move across the river to Washington, closer to his office. I am excited to marry Ben, to live in the cute house with him, I am excited for the change. But when it came time to pack my apartment, the only place I had ever lived in Oregon, I stalled. I couldn’t picture life outside of this place I didn’t know where to start packing and every time I thought of leaving my eyes would fill with tears. With Ben’s help I packed it. With Shannon, Dan, Tim, Deneal and Ben’s help we moved it. With Jody and Ben’s help we cleaned it. Last Friday I walked through it, everything was gone. It was spic and span, just how I found it. I turned it back to the owners. Before I left, I stood there all alone in the place that was once my home. A tear rolled down my cheek as I thought about the memories and the changes I had made there. It seems silly to be so attached to a place that was never really mine, but I will forever be grateful for the person I became there. I will miss my home, my late night TV bed watching, my empty fridge and taking up every closet in the house with my clothes, but it’s time to move on.

I’m glad I didn’t turn around when we originally crossed the Willamette, I am glad I stayed and made a life. Now we’re going back across the river, no Garmin needed. Plus, you’re going to love our new place. Life is changing people.

That's a Fancy Feast!

Fancy Feast Cat Food - Grilled Beef Feast in Gravy:  Meat broth, beef, liver, wheat gluten, meat by-products, corn starch-modified, artificial and natural flavors, salt, added color.... and a number of great vitamins...  Would you eat all that for

TWENTY DOLLARS?!?

I WOULD, and I DID.... Silly Ben for thinking I wouldn't take on such an easy bet!!  :-)

$20 richer and maybe, just maybe, a little healthier.  I think I should send this video in to "Man vs. Wild" as an audition tape. Come on Bear Grylls I ate cat food... bring on the raw deer meat, I can take it!!

So I've been thinking...

A couple things have really been on my mind that I need to get out in the open.

First - It was an amazing person who one day thought to him (or her) self, "Hum - I have this peanut butter, I have this chocolate, why don't I magically insert this peanut butter into a perfectly shaped mini cup.  I bet it will be a hit among the people."  And a hit it was Mr. Reese, a HIT. IT.WAS.  I have been living off of frozen (cause everything is better frozen) peanut butter cups and almond M&M's.  This is not a joke.  I am addicted and my stomach hurts. 

Second - Standing while working.  It's my new thing.  For a good three weeks or so I have had this back thing.  Hurts to sit, hurts to move, blah blah blah.  I have decided I sit too much and it's not helping.  Now I stand.  I was a little fidgety at first and found myself looking around and staring at things that needed to be dusted.  But it's getting better, my house is dust free and I am confident this will save my back.  My 50 year old self is already thanking me.

Third - Big calves and leather boots with no zipper do not go well together.  I bought a ridiculously expensive pair of boots.  My practical side got the best of me and I exchanged them for an even BETTER, less expensive pair.  But there is no zipper.  I have big calves.  It's a well known fact.  When I tried them on, I had to pull with all my might to get them on and Ben had to pry them off.  I thought my circulation might get cut off.  Don't fear though - leather stretches!  I am confident if I wear them enough they will stretch to my perfect calf size.  This means I am always wearing them.  Always.  With PJ's, with my robe while I am doing my makeup, I even took a nap in them, and right now in fact with my Nike capris. So cute.  I think it's working, I can get them off myself.

Fourth - Shared keys mean family.  I bought this for our new place.  Completely adorable, right?!

A place to put our keys.  This means we will be a little family and our keys will never be lost. Is this what they call nesting?

Oh my pictures!

I thought engagement pictures would be easy.  Cute outfits, good hair day, perfect setting - easy.  Well, maybe not.  Cute outfits, check.  Good hair day, check.  Perfect setting, check.  What I didn't think about is it is hard to get two people to smile at the camera at the same time without squinty eyes or a forced smile.  Well after two tries, and about 300 pictures we managed to get a few we liked.  Below are a few shots of us being real, those are my faves. There are plenty more.... but I can't give all the fun away!  Enjoy.

This may have been a bad idea....

...That's what my face is saying in this picture.

The Goal - to get us both in the tree for the perfect, we're getting married and look we're in a tree, engagement picture.

 Let's set the stage... Amber has a broken foot. Amber takes off her heels (that she's not supposed to be wearing) and Ben puts her in the tree. To get himself up there with her, Ben has a great idea to run and jump onto a branch and swing himself into the tree. Amber can't move - let's be honest - there is no where to go. She is starting to sweat because she is so nervous, it's 90 degrees and she is holding on for dear life. Ben get's a running start, does an amazing jump and does not swing into the tree.  Where was he going to stand anyway??? Instead he just holds himself like a swinging monkey on the tiny branch and we laugh our heads off.  Priceless.

Let's count this as an engagement picture sneak peek... amazingness to come...